


Lily does Gronder Field HER way

by RuminantRambling



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Blood, Cartoon Humor, Cartoon Physics, No Beta, PTSD, Psychotherapy, War, battles, nobody dies like Glenn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:42:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22851193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RuminantRambling/pseuds/RuminantRambling
Summary: Lily, established AU Fairy in my universe is sick and tired of reading about the precious babies dying at the hands of their former classmates. That is NOT happening here. Play nice children.
Kudos: 3





	Lily does Gronder Field HER way

It was time for the battle of Gronder Field. A battle between all three armies, this one is more real than any battle in the past. Real weapons, real death.  
Lily was all up that for that shit today. Yup. She was gonna take this one head on and rule it. She woke before dawn, completing her prayers as the sun rose in the sky. It was a glorious day to die or whatever. At breakfast around the camp she pulls out a sailors whistle, playing a short ditty (that the modern day nerds would know as Popeye the sailor man) grabs her bag of expresso beans, squeezes them so they pop out of the bag and she swallows them whole. Caffeinated in 3, 2, 1!! She is standing in the muddy field vibrating with energy, waiting for the signal from Claude to begin. Most of the Blue Lions and Black Eagles joined the deer before they had lost Byleth over five years ago. Lily’s heart was ripping itself apart in her chest. She knew that she would be there to face her friends. She hung her head in sorrow.  
On the enemy side stood Dimitri, Dedue and Gilbert in the blue Army. The enemy Eagles were Caspar, Ferdinand, Hubert and Edelgard with their impressive and dangerous warriors occupying their end of the field.  
Dimitri’s brain was in a pawn shop and he lost the ticket. The rest of him wants Edelgards head on a plate surrounded by swiss cheese. Dedue, his faithful Vassal did whatever Big D wanted. Gilbert was a pissant knight that wants Dimitri to win, or die one of the two, he kinda hopes for both.  
Edelgard stood proudly on a big box so she could see over the army in front of her. Hubert looking 8 foot tall like Frankenstein’s Monster, all grey and towering and creepy. Ferdinand was glowing on the battlefield, shining glorious like the sun, prepared to talk the enemy to death vs. stabbing them with his lance. He was proudly astride his beautiful horse that is really too good looking for battle. Every time he smiles his teeth would sparkle and make a dinging sound. Then his Horse would smile, sparkle, and make a dinging sound. Then they would pose with cheeks together, sparkle twice as brightly and blind everyone within 10 feet of them with their perfect and overly brighter than the sun’s smiles and a choir of angles would gasp in adoration. Always when he was perched atop his horse a gentle breeze blew behind him making his hair flare just so, even on the stillest of days. Caspar was there screaming his fool head off for no particular reason except that is what he does best. Lin, who cares little for battle, brought along a four-poster bed with a princess canopy on it and his stuffed unicorn plushie to hopefully sleep throughout the battle. He cuddles with his life size Byleth pillow and pulls the covers over his head to hopefully suppress the din of battle.  
Claude held his hand up, then frowns, pointing forward as his army screams and heads into battle with whoops, war cries, and the clanging of steel.  
Lily felt the caffeine make her left eye twitch uncontrollably as the sound of the William Tell Overture plays through her brain. The fairy transforms into a cheetah, dashing with lightning speed up toward Caspar, meeting him at the front of the Eagles army. Caspar was screaming and brandishing steel claws wanting to punch out anything that came close. The feline fae cast sleep on him and flung herself at him as he fell down asleep. Landing on him she teleports them to an empty storage wagon behind the Deer’s back lines. She shifts back to herself, tying the blue haired man before she looks out of the wagon for her next prospect.  
Lily is a cheetah again as she leaps from the wagon, silently hitting the ground. She ran past her allied warriors with a speed they could never attain, skirting through the low bushes and scrubs to the left of the skirmish lines, heading to the back lines that contained archers and Mages. Lily hunkers down in the grass, quickly using telekinesis to pilfer the arrows out of the quivers of the enemy archers one after the other. The archers were moving forward slowly, the closest was concentrating on firing the nocked arrow they had at Claude. A huge tiger lept from the bush, tearing into the mans arms and chest like a knife through parchment. Not missing a beat, she was able to take out 4 archers and 2 mages by nearly tearing their limbs off. One dared to curse her and she rips out his throat. Another mage was a spear’s length from her. Before he could finish casting Miasma, she cast spill your guts at the end of my claws mofo.  
Lily knew things were getting heated up further in the territory of the Black Eagles. She transforms into a strange looking purple unicorn pony with wings, two tone mane and tail, and a crazy tatt on it’s left buttcheek that kinda looks like a star or the crest of Blaiddyd.  
Lilypony heads for Ferdinand. Running to the stunning cavalier a full gallop, she whinnies seductively (which is weird because Ferdinand understands her just as well as his horse does.) “Oh mighty and handsome warrior and strapping drop dead gorgeous steed. Could you please tell me where I can find a glorious team to join my most noble cause?” She smiles her prettiest pony-corn smile and even manages to effect a pretty decent ding as her teeth sparkle. Cinnamon, Ferdie’s stallion blinks at the long lashes of the alluring purple mare. She sparkles, pawing the ground bowing her head and shyly looking away from his intense gaze. Cinnamon’s eyes appeare to be covered with beating hearts as he gallops to the gorgeous purple equine-winged-horned whateveritwas. Sparkling in the sun, she gallops towards Cinnamon, watching as Ferdinand became more and more frustrated that his beautiful horse was completely and totally ignoring him. Just as they were to meet, the winged purple mponycorn lept into the air, and Lily transformed into herself as she fell towards Ferdie. He instinctively caught her, as Lily grabs his ears, kisses him then cast sleep and warp, sending him to join Caspar for a good nap.  
Cinnamon marches in circles, terribly confused wandering the battlefield looking for his cavalier and the sweet, sweet vision in purple that is no longer there.  
Gilbert was getting the crap beat out of him by the Golden Deer. Raphael had taken him down. Dimitri, leading Dedue and Rodrigue work closer and closer to Edelgard. Hubert was casting Dark magic in well timed bursts as Edelgard and her surrounding entourage of swordsmen and lancers. Lily watches him intently, waiting…waiting…she taps her foot impatiently…waiting..then Zap! She teleports to land at the back of Hubert’s head, sitting on his shoulders, her hands in front of his eyes. “Guess who?!”  
“Raaaagghh!” Hubert howls. “Insolent insect!” he grabs her hands from his eyes, flipping her over his head and toward the ground. The force of the teeny fae being flung up and over causes her to shed fairy dust, which intensifies fairy spellcasting. Lily being a fairy knows this. Hubert not being a fairy has no clue. Lily casts her transmutation spell morphed with a reduction spell. Hubert is no longer visible. Lily picks up a worm from the ground, grabs a box from her backpack and stuffs it into the box. She heard the tiniest scream before the box closed screaming about their prowess and control over magic. Lily whispers as she closes the box, “Who do you think wrote the spells you cast, human!” as she snaps the box shut.  
Edelgard’s surrounding forces are dwindling. The beast is howling for his revenge. Dedue watches over the royal, assisting with his single-minded goal. Lily thinks about turning the lot of them into newts. The professor makes her way into the fray, getting between the leaders, trying to scream at them to stop and try to negotiate. The screaming crescendos, the discordant noise grates on the tiny lady. “To bed with all of you naughty brats! It’s past your nap time!” She casts sleep on the entire area, the only sound is falling armored bodies and weapons and then snoring.  
Lily declares the battle over, won by the Golden Deer. Those further from the center of the sleep spell either fight to the death or surrender to be prisoners of war. Dimitri and Edelgard are secured and the Professor is awakened.  
Lily sits on the shoulder of Raphael who stands next to Claude. She will take Edelgard, Dimitri, Claude and the Professor to a secured location to begin the negotiations for ending the war.  
====X====

Deep within a huge meeting room far beneath a hollow tree occupied by cookie baking elves. Lily sequestered the Rulers of the continent here. They were her prisoners in a 5 star hollow-tree hotel. Lily greeted each of them in their dreams for long and exhausting psychotherapy sessions. Fortunately, time passing while sleep goes as fast as thoughts versus when awake. Calming the most serious forms of the depression, abandonment, PTSD, racism, religion, obsessive compulsive disorder, schizophrenia, and so much more.  
She left strict instructions that all meetings were over by 8pm and if they were not sleeping by 10, they would be asleep as a result of magic. All would be well rested and ready for the next day of negotiations. Any information that needed to be communicated to others would be communicated in writing and publicly completed. They WILL get along. No secret agendas. No plots to destroy anyone. Byleth as the mediator, others can be called in to negotiate, no weapons, poisons, magic, just talking for as long as it takes. Lily and the Keeblers would keep them working together until they all agree and Byleth approves, nobody leaves. 


End file.
